Final Girl
Pete: Okay, y’all, we are about to unbox Final Girl Series 1 (2021), but before we do that, we have to figure out that if we were all cast as ourselves in a 1980s horror movie, who would die, who would be the killer, and who would be the final girl.
Sarah S.: Dude, that’s actually really easy.
Keegan: It is?
Rick: Yeah, I’m not sure that’s true.
Sarah V.: Sarah’s right.
Sarah S. Thank you, Sarah.
Sarah V.: You’re welcome, Sarah.
Pete: Okay. hit me.
Sarah S.: Okay, first things first. Keegan would absolutely be the killer.
Keegan: Wait, really?
Sarah V.: Oh, for sure. From the beginning of the film, everyone in the audience would assume that Pete was the killer, but that’s just because his character would be a complete jackass.
Pete: Hey!
Rick: Yeah, this tracks so far.
Sarah S.: So Pete would be the one that everyone thinks is the killer, but he’s actually not. He turns out to be a really good guy who’s just a jerk for most of the movie and then steps up at the last minute and fends off the killer to save the majority of the teenagers at a house party, leading them to safety, but not without taking a pneumatically-propelled grappling hook through the thigh or something.
Pete: But I want to play the killer!
Keegan: Yeah buddy, I know. But maybe tone that down a bit.
Sarah V.: Well, we will come back to that.
Sarah S.: We will. But Rick would absolutely die. He would play the nerdy sidekick who has a crush on the final girl, but she friend-zones him throughout the story until he dies. He is the one trying to help all who are being hunted by the killer, and is the one who actually has useful investigative skills. Everyone in the audience will root for him, but he has no actual survival skills. So, he’s the guy on the computer searching the Internet for clues while everyone thinks that Pete is the killer. But then at the end of the second act, Rick gets taken out.
Rick: This absolutely still tracks.
Sarah V.: Keegan will keep being too nice and too supportive but also passive, so some of the smarter audience members start to question and develop theories as to who is the true killer. If it’s not Pete, then they will turn their attention to Sarah or me as the film moves into the third act.
Sarah S.: Eventually, the majority of the audience will decide that it’s Sarah V. because she will come off as more prickly and calculating even though she watches out for everyone like a surrogate mother figure.
Sarah V.: But then the audience will start to divide itself between Sarah and me because Sarah S. is too quiet and too nice and too sweet to not be the killer. But then in the final act three twist, Keegan kills her and I get to be the final girl who kills Keegan.
Pete: Why do I not get to be the killer?
Sarah S.: Oh, don’t worry. You’ll probably be the killer in the third or fourth movie in the franchise. Once you see too many people die, you will become overly jaded and bitter and definitely become the killer.
Keegan: You probably even convince some people that I didn’t even really die in the first movie.
Sarah S.: Maybe, but you did die, Keegan.
Keegan: So I don’t get to come back for the rest of the franchise at all?
Sarah S.: No, you die in the first movie. Get over it.
Keegan: No wiggle room?
Sarah V.: Keegs, this is very clearly how this would go down. Let’s unbox Final Girl Series 1 (2021) by Evan Derrick, A. J. Porfirio and published by Van Ryder Games.
