Trench Club
Pete: Hey Rick, do you know where I think we would kill it? The trenches of Verdun, France, 1916.
Rick: Okay, dude, that’s enough.
Pete: Wait, what? What’s the problem?
Rick: The problem is, Peter, that just the other week you were proposing that we go back to ancient Mesopotamia to hang out with Alexander the Terrible when you were unboxing Successors: Fourth Edition.
Pete: He’s called “Alexander the Great,” actually.
Rick: Yeah, that’s wonderful. Ask any of the helpless villagers Alexander and his men slaughtered what they thought of him. He was terrible.
Pete: Okay, fine. Fine. Any other problems?
Rick: Yes, yes there are.
Pete: But of course there are. Okay. Like what?
Rick: Like I happen to have it on good information that you suggested to Keegan the other day that we would make really good paleolithic cavemen when you wanted to unbox the Paleo: A New Beginning expansion. As I see it, you’re having a streak of exceptionally poor judgment concerning our capabilities and place in history, and now you’re suggesting that we go and fight in one of the most screwed up wars in all of history—at least in terms of scale. Why can’t you propose something fun? Something family friendly, like living in the world of Candy Land?
Pete: Because, Richard, that’s actually a terrible idea. Oh yeah, let’s go rope together a bunch of kids and all drop acid together.
Rick: Yeah, see, that’s not quite what I meant—
Pete: And then, without their parents’ consent, get them all on a sugar high and take them to the “gumdrop mountains.” I think we all know what that means.
Rick: Nope. Not even a little bit. I’m sure I don’t know what that means.
Pete: Or why don’t we all just play Checkers, an abstraction of a 1000-year-long race war?
Rick: See, we don’t need to unbox Checkers, and that’s definitely not what it’s about—
Pete: And then, when the checkers start moving across the board, you get some sort of weird amalgamation of Dr. Seuss’ Sneetches on Beaches and William Golding‘s Lord of the Flies.
Rick: I don’t think you’re reading properly.
Pete: Or, why don’t we just unbox Chess, because nothing says “family friendly” like a five-hundred-year-old abstraction of the crusades. Probably some of the worst decision-making due to nonsensical misinterpretation of religious texts in the history of the entire freaking human race.
Rick: See, that–that actually makes sense. But there’s no point in unboxing Chess. Everyone is pretty much aware of what comes in a Chess set.
Pete: So, we’re on the same page, then?
Rick: Not even a little bit. Was there a reason you came in here?
Pete: Oh yeah! I wanted to let you know that today we’re unboxing Trench Club (2021) designed by Philipp K. Berger and published by PKB Games. It’s an amazing Great World War skirmish game for 1–4 players which has a really cool component-driven mechanic of having units track their damage and experience level, which gives them additional abilities through putting little colored beads on poles on each unit miniature.
Rick: That sounds amazing.
Pete: So, same page?
Rick: Provisionally. But if I hear you talking up some nonsense concerning 12-foot blue aliens on the deck of the Titanic or something, I’m out.
Pete: Oh, you mean like an Avatar II and Titanic board game amalgamation. That sounds epic! Send me the crowdfunding page link.
Rick: Get out.
