Star Trek Ascendancy: Breen Confederacy

Pete: Hey Rick, the Artemis mission is soon on its way, and with all of these private space companies attempting to turn extraterrestrial natural resources into privatized assets to screw over the masses on an ever-growing scale, it seems like we really are going to make a legitimate push into our solar system.

Rick: Yep. That’s true. Looks exciting!

Pete: Wait, what?

Rick: Just move past it.

Pete: Uh . . . okay. Well, do you think that, in our lifetimes, we could be BASE jumping on the moon?

Rick: No. That’s not gonna be a thing that happens in our lifetimes.

Pete: What about grand adventures hiking up Olympus Mons on Mars?

Rick: Again, now: Maybe in a couple hundred years, I’m sure someone will eventually attempt to hike up Olympus Mons, and die in the trying. Then 700 other people will try it, they will die, and then eventually someone will do it and write an awful, but best-selling memoir about their experience.

Pete: Well, what about spelunking in the Fire Caves on Bajor?

Rick: Um . . . what?

Pete: Or skiing on the mountain ranges on Breen?

Rick: Stop, stop, stop, don’t even give me a comedic third line after two clearly absurd feed lines. You’re talking about worlds from the Star Trek universe now. You didn’t even have a good transition.

Pete: Well that’s okay, because what I’m talking about is yet another expansion for Star Trek Ascendancy (2016). Six years after the release of the base game, Gale Force Nine is still keeping this game going. So let’s check out Star Trek Ascension: Breen Confederacy (2022) designed by Andrew Haught and Phil Yates which brings in the Breen in all of their mysterious Breen armor and Breen ships and Breen alleged coolness (see what I did there) into the beloved 4x thematic game. More worlds, more cards, more content, home to bask in on the gaming table. And while we didn’t know who was under those Breen helmets, apparently it was just Pete. An entire Confederacy of little Petes. I am Pete, and I still find that absolutely terrifying. Thank God the Federation Alliance won that war.

Rick: Just—promise me that, for this unboxing, you’re not going to dye bottom-shelf vodka blue with carcinogenic food coloring and call it “Romulan ale.”

Pete: Oh, Rick, I think we both know I can’t promise that.