Ready Set Bet
Keegan: Hey, dude. What you got, there?
Pete: Oh, it’s an old Powerball ticket from a few weeks ago.
Keegan: The lottery? Really?
Pete: Well, yeah. But this is from when Powerball was at almost $2 billion USD. At $1.2 billion, Powerball goes from being a tax on stupidity to a statistically sound, low investment, high potential payout speculation.
Keegan: You ran the numbers?
Pete: Yeah, with an actuary who moonlights as a statistics professor.
Keegan: So, did you win?
Pete: Well, I’m not palling around San Francisco indulging in eleven-course tasting menu dinners every night, so you tell me.
Keegan: Ah. Well, what’s your plan now?
Pete: Let’s bet on something else!
Keegan: Let’s not do that.
Pete: Oh, come on. Rick gets to pick which game we unbox next. Twenty bucks says it’s fantasy-themed.
Keegan: That is a moronic bet. Rick loves fantasy.
Pete: But it’s a limited category, and I’ll give you 5-to-1 odds.
Keegan: Absolutely not.
Pete: Do you wanna play penny poker?
Keegan: No.
Pete: Let’s go down to the track.
Keegan: Okay, that’s enough. This is compromising your values. You hate horse racing and dog racing and doing anything with animals other than giving them treats and scratches and telling them how cute they are. What’s going on?
Pete: Just getting my theme on. Today we are going to unbox Ready Set Bet (2022), designed by John D. Clair and published by Alderac Entertainment Group. It’s a game about placing bets on horse races.
Keegan: But we know nothing about horse racing.
Pete: That’s true, but we know something about board games. And while the race is going on, the majority of the board game space is centered around the betting board.
Keegan: Oh, so the horses go in the background, but everyone is paying attention to the betting. Kind of seems like an obstructed version of humans further using animals for their own hedonistic lifestyle with little concern for the fact horses are living, sentient beings who have wills and desires and emotions of their own.
Pete: I thought about canning the whole unboxing, believe me. But the way I figure it, if we can abstract away from ridiculous things that humans like, such as gladiatorial combat and torturing animals for sport, we can get people to sit on their butts at the gaming table and stop bothering the poor animals that they would otherwise use for spectacle.
Keegan: Ah, a harm-reduction model.
Pete: Exactly.
Keegan: Okay, I’m game. This is definitely more on brand for you. Do you wanna play Ready Set Bet after you unbox it?
Pete: Yes! And we can place real bets! Twenty bucks a game!
Keegan: No.
Pete: Fifty!
Keegan: No.
Pete: A thousand!
Keegan: Right after this unboxing, we’re gonna go to a little meeting.
Pete: Why can’t I do it just a smidgen?
Keegan: I know, buddy. I know.
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Disclaimer: Despite a long history of base and ridiculous human judgments about gambling addiction being a moral failing, just like any other substance or behavioral addiction, gambling addiction is a disease that requires extensive support by one’s loved ones and sometimes, professional intervention. If you or someone you know struggles with gambling addiction, please check out the resources below.
National Problem Gambling Helpline: 1-800-522-4700
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741-741
